Marriage - remains a mystery

In July, TIME magazine published an essay titled Why Marriage Matters, by journalist Caitlin Flanagan. The byline read, "Infidelity is eroding our most sacred institution. How to make marriage matter again." The piece was well-written and interesting - a focus on politicians such as Eliot Spitzer, John Edwards and Mark Sanford. It was story after story and infidelity was the main plot - quite sad if you think about it. These days marriage has sort of thrown me for a loop; and the loop has twisted and turned greatly after having lived in France and China.

What is marriage? A bond between two people, a certificate with a legal stamp, or a rite of passage? Or perhaps a social obligation - all my friends are getting married, so maybe I should too?! In Shanghai, I was told on numerous occasions the importance of marriage to the Chinese. Everything was about status - good job, good car, good location, good house, etc. My roommate, Andrew (who was born in Hong Kong), once told me several women in Hong Kong would not even consider dating a man if he didn't have the following: a car, a relatively decent apartment and a promising career. This, of course, is just hearsay. I was still in utter shock and amazement as to the importance of status in not just Hong Kong, but mainland China as well.

Marriage has become quite the problem in China and the gender ratio does not help the issue - approximately 120 boys to 100 girls. It might not seem like a lot, but imagine such a ratio with a population over a billion. Wow. In an attempt to help young adults find love in Shanghai, every Sunday, parents and grandparents from all over the city come together and exchange the resumes of their daughters and sons. A resume?! Well, in short, a list including age, HEIGHT, sex, salary, interests and often without a picture. If the parents are pleased with the idea of their daughters and sons uniting, a date is set. According to several young adults with whom I spoke to in Shanghai, this practice is not all that favorable. I don't blame them, would you?

In the U.S., it is a bit of a different story. Getting married isn't the problem, keeping the marriage alive, however, is a problem. Infidelity, falling out of love, incompatibility, sex-life out the window, lack of adventure/loss of adventure and spontaneity, etc - a never ending list of reasons why divorce is so popular in America. It's quite sad really. I was watching a commercial in China and without boring you with the details I specifically remember one scene - an old man turning the volume down on his hearing aid to "mute" his wife. Sure, at the time, it was pretty hilarious. Although, after having thought about it a bit more, I would be quite upset if my husband of forty years did that to me.

Of course, I do believe there are millions of marriages that are still going strong. More power to them! My sister, Carolyn, and brother-in-law, Matthew, are a prime example of a quality marriage. And high-profile marriages such as Kelly Preston and John Travolta, and Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, are doing quite well - or so the tabloids tell me.

Overall, I would consider myself the hopeful realist when it comes to marriage. I hope when/if I get married, it will last; I hope my husband always keeps me on my toes; and I hope my husband loves me unconditionally until death. At the same time, realistically, at 22, I do not see myself getting married anytime soon - stability is fairly important to me. Honestly, I am only 22...I've got time. Ladies and gents! Those of you who are around my age...you've got time! Really, no prize is given to the first married couple amongst your group of friends. Although, there may be a prize in the future if marriages last more than forty years. Kind of a scary thought, really - marriage stimulus package?