Tuesday, December 7, 2010

"Women are crazy." Sound familiar?

Deep inside the core of the majority of women around the world, it's even a challenge for them to disagree with this statement--especially after having seen this undesirable behavior in films such as Diary of a Mad Black Woman and Basic Instinct. Some women go as far as making a joke of it with friends. We hear about female lunatics in daily conversations with family and friends who recount their horrifying break-up stories with either tears and incomprehensible sentences (a.k.a word vomit) or cries of laughter.

I suppose the predominant question of this post stems from the origin of this insanity. How did women acquire this adjective, which is so frequently subsequent the noun??

For this post, I think it's best to start with one possible explanation...small steps people, small steps.

Taking general relationships into consideration, it seems nowadays a woman is so concerned a man will leave her--ultimately shattering her heart (dramatics intended)--to the point she becomes insecure, emotional...even defensive. Eek!!! At the same time, a man is terrified at the thought of his partner taking a turn for the worst and becomes crazy or clingy--think Eduardo Saverin's girlfriend in The Social Network Movie--he, in turn, becomes distant, ultra sensitive and ultimately...hides in a cave or hunts for the next doe. Sure I might be generalizing a bit in my last sentence for my own amusement, but honestly, for the men who are reading this, have you ever experienced one or all of these behavioral changes at one time in your life? I'm merely curious and there's no judgement on my end if anyone answers yes.

According to some of my female friends (both single and in relationships), many confessed to me their greatest fear is of their boyfriends, husbands or lovers abandoning them or cheating. Although I optimistically await a rebuttal from my readers, after re-reading my post on men, women and relationships, the phrase "the grass is always greener on the other side" springs to mind. Cheating is as frequent as eating these days--pun intended. I think there's a cause and effect in here somewhere. Cause: The world figured out a way to increase sex appeal. Effect: It's easier to be greatly attracted to someone, thus increasing the likelihood of cheating.

And hey!!! Side note: There's nothing wrong with looking at someone attractive while dating or being married to someone else. After all, aren't we animals, too?? We, however, are animals with very capable minds. Minds capable of self control and I believe it's something we've lost over time.

With breast and butt implants, hair waxing, hair dying, makeup, push-up bras, tight clothes, low-rise jeans, high heals, and much more, it's a piece of cake for both sexes to appear attractive. It's certainly not like the 1940s or when turtlenecks were a fad and not just a stack of clothes piled up in GAP with a half-off sale poster in front.

Reflecting on the last decade, with all the changes--whether they were for the better or worse--I can't help but ask myself...Did we bring it on ourselves??

Of course, I do not believe all women are crazy; nor do I think all men are selfish and distant--just using those stereotypes to stir up a little commotion. But honestly, does anyone think these adjectives were commonly associated with these nouns in the 18th century? Or the 1920s? Thoughts?


  1. It pains me to do this, but here goes nothing. Obviously you know I have had my fair share of experience with "crazy" girls. Here is the problem with things I have learned with my own experiences. First, a girl may be labeled as crazy because yes she is clingy and grows attached to a guy. However, I have seen many girls act crazy because the guy is playing some sort of mind games with her behind the scenes and away from his friends. He tells them all the negative things about her and everything else, yet with her he talks to her like he wants to be with her, thus making her clingy. So he will then act different when around her and his friends making her look crazy.

    There are other reasons for girls to be called crazy. As I have mentioned to you before it's crazy for a girl to get back with a guy who is treating her poorly. It's so common to see and it kind of follows what I mentioned in the paragraph above. It's frustrating for "good" guys to see that and can result in them changing how they are with girls.

    It's easy to point a finger at the guys for the wrong doing but it's possible they have become assholes because too many girls have done them wrong, for all the reasons given above, plus guys are just as worried of being cheated on by their significant others.

    Believe me guys say the samethings about guys being crazy. Guys can also become clingy, however there is a serious double standard and guys don't get as much public scrutiny as girls do. Don't know why that is, but I guess that's just the society we live in.

  2. Speaking as one of Caller Number One's "good guys", I agree with pretty much everything he says. Guys and girls are crazy in equal measure. In fact, there are times I think guys are far more mental and out of touch (hence my ongoing heterosexuality!)

    Nonetheless, the issue you raise Sam is pretty close to my heart. For me, the problem is one of emotional maturity, on both sides of the aisle. We hear that guys mature slower than girls all the way through high school, which is why fifth-and-sixth years (and their American equivalents) occasionally date college guys while the guys all lust after them.

    But where I think our society has hugely regressed is in allowing people to move beyond this high school mentality. People persist in insecurity and selfishness arguably far beyond the years in which this should be tolerated in mature adults.

    But then, everyone's different. The rational human being is counfounded by love, which itself is utterly irrational. I know myself I become my most impulsive when it comes to romance, often completely eschewing the logical course for the emotional. While I think we'd all like to believe that we can have a relationship that isn't dogged by insecurity, infidelity and irrationality (and indeed, some of us hold out insistently for this), to borrow your metaphor Sam, I'm not sure the grass really would be greener on that side.

  3. Troy: I agree with you in that men can be just as clingy, but lack the scrutiny women generally receive. It might not make sense, but if this was a movie, it seems strange for the male character to be the clingy, need person in the relationship and the female character to be the dick. Not exactly a usual blockbuster hit, right?? Like you said, it's the society we live in perhaps. I also agree with your first paragraph, but why do not only men, but women behave this way. The cultures I love most are those who are brutally honest...but in a good way. If a man loves a woman, he's no less of a many if he kisses her goodbye in front of her friends and if his friends poke fun..they are probably the single friends who are just jealous they don't have girlfriends.

    Craig: I really which we were at a coffee shop in nyc and having a wee chat about this vis-a-vis. It makes me smile just reading your comment. I miss our conversations. I wholeheartedly agree with your third paragraph: "People persist in insecurity and selfishness arguably far beyond the years in which this should be tolerated in mature adults." I see this often in nyc. In fact, I think it's partly why people think new yorkers are so unkind; but in fact, they're simple self-centered. At the same time, it's city where it's almost imperative to be self-centered to survive. Not sure I agree with it, but it seems to be the case.

  4. Haha, I wish this too! I think the self-centred attitude is pretty symptomatic of cities in general. I actually quite like the anyonymity, the big city bustle, the ability to concentrate on what you do rather than what the community is doing that cities offer. It's easier to be independent in a large settlement, but it's also easier to be, as you say, to survive that way, as ipso facto nobody is likely to help you out.

    If only people could be as great as us :)


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